Be a Powerful Visionary

Hello, my name is Anna. And, I am a visionary.

Last month, I challenged you to THINK BIG. Now, I'm not the sort of person to simply ask you to do this without also accepting the challenge myself. So, two weeks ago, I did something I've never done before. At exactly midnight on Saturday, January 17^th, I flicked my phone into airplane mode, effectively disconnecting myself from the distractions of the world wide web, Facebook, texts, emails, and phone calls. For the following 49 ½ hours, I went off the grid, dressed in my most comfy pair of pjs, poured myself a glass of homemade Kombucha, and scattered my personal journals, some pens, a few books, stacks of magazines, and my 2012 Date with Destiny (DWD) workbook on my midnight blue, feather duvet.

Then, I got busy. I had done a significant amount of emotional foundational work prior to this weekend during the DWD seminar I had attended two years prior. But, this past December, I discovered a couple of things.

[#1] For several months between 2013 and 2014, I had stopped living my mission and my core values. I had lost sight of the clear vision I had seen for my life and thus was no longer really acting or living my life in the way I should to ultimately manifest that vision. Needless to say, I had been struggling for a long while.

[#2] Once I began to look at the old 2012 vision board I had created, I quickly realized it need a tune up. Much of it was still very relevant, but I needed to reorder some things, set new one year goals, and definitely spice up my relationship vision.

So, that Saturday morning, I read. I scribbled notes. I danced. I drank a LOT of tea. I thought. I stretched. I thought more. I wrote.

I used my DWD workbook as a guide to ask myself good questions. I read through four journals I had filled in the last two years. I reflected, I pondered, I decided.

And, I got pretty juiced. I mean, this is MY ULTIMATE DESTINY we are talking about here!

It is a deep belief of mine that we must, at the very least, ask for the things that we desire in life. Not plead, not beg, but ask and stay open to the answer. But before asking, we must get crystal clear with what we are asking for. And, by God, I was determined to get clearer than a fresh mountain stream.

Once I had written everything down (after hours of revising, editing, expanding, and deleting), I got my artsy on. I grabbed my scissors, scooped up a stack of magazines, and started clipping. Words, numbers, phrases, pictures – anything that highlighted or represented a part of my “new and improved” vision. I was set on designing a colorful poster to boldly illustrate my ultimate destiny. At 1:29AM on Monday morning, I had completed my poster - just shy of 49 ½ hours later after disconnecting from the outside world.

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

Then, I went through and read everything out loud. My mission statement, my primary question, my “I Am” power words, my towards and away values, my 5 one year goals, and, my personal favorite, my relationship vision. These overall concepts may not be fully understandable to most people (unless you've attended a DWD event), but when you read what they represent per my example, you might better understand. Regardless, you'll get a VERY intimate look into the kind of woman I am, the type of woman I choose to be, and the way I wish to live my life each and every day.

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

My Mission Statement:

I, Anna, see, hear, feel, and know that the purpose of my life is to radiate joy, love and gratitude for God, myself, and others!

My Primary Questions:

How can I embrace, even more, God's pure love and divine guidance right now?

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

My “I Am” Power Words:

I am LOVE

I am PEACE

I am WHOLE

I am GUIDED

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

My Top 5 One Year Goals:

[#1] To fall in love with the man in my Ultimate Relationship Vision

[#2] To write my first novel

[#3] To perform the role of 'Jo' in the live theatrical production of “Little Women” this spring

[#4] To learn, understand, and confidently speak Spanish

[#5] To travel – specifically to spend 1-2 months road-tripping across the USA from Wisconsin to California this summer and to spend 1 ½ months in Bali this fall

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

My Towards Values:

“Anytime I...”

God/Spirit

• Have a heart and soul connection with my Creator through meditation, prayer, song or conversation; or
• Honor God's creation by appreciating my surroundings, the beauty of nature, and the earth's inhabitants; or
• Speak my truth and share my love of God and all humanity; or
• Am moved to strong emotions of joy, love, and/or gratitude; or
• Feel the goosebumps of God's warm embrace.

Love/Connection

• Remember that God is in my heart and loves me unconditionally; or
• Share conversation or comfortable silence with my Higher Power, family, friends, and/or my community; or
• Give or receive warm hugs and/or sweet kisses; or
• Reach out to a person in need of a friend or confidant.

Wellness/Health

• Move my body with intention through exercise, dance, and/or yoga, challenge my mind and expand my intellect, and/or nourish my spirit; or
• Am reminded what a blessing it is to be able-bodied and/or take time to strengthen my muscles and/or push my body to expand it's limits; or
• Consume healthful food and drink and/or avoid toxic elements; or
• Witness changes in my body and/or gather more wisdom in my mind and soul.

Inner Peace

• Consciously take a deep breath; or
• Spend any amount of time in mediation and/or prayer; or
• Choose to rest; or
• Smile.

Joy

• Laugh so much it becomes contagious; or
• See love and/or excitement expressed between others; or
• Share in someone else's joyful moments; or
• Feel my eyes sparkling.

Service

• Give of my time, money, and other resources for the betterment of the earth and it's people; or
• Help out a friend or stranger in need; or
• Am generous, open-hearted, or compassionate.

Abundance

• Delight in the richness of God's love and unending compassion; or
• Remember all the blessings in my life; or
• Achieve monetary success.

Curiosity/Wonder

• Am mindful of the experience I am having in the present moment; or
• Experience a sense of awe and/or fascination in the discovery of something new; or
• Take the opportunity to learn, explore, and/or feed my wanderlust.

Authenticity

• Speak my truth; or
• Make decisions from my heart; or
• Honor and respect my body, mind, and spirit.

Courage

• Find strength to do something despite an underlying fear of the unknown; or
• Go on an adventure, experience a new culture, and/or introduce myself to a new person; or
• Follow the path less traveled.

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

Away Values:

Consistent inappropriate feeling of Worry

• Only if I were to consistently obsess or agonize over things out of my control instead of remembering to let go and let God.

Consistent inappropriate feeling of Shame/Guilt

• Only if I were to consistently ruminate over past poor decisions instead of embracing the opportunity to apologize as needed and forgive myself.

Consistent inappropriate feeling of Self-Doubt/Jealousy

• Only if I were to consistently indulge in the illusion that I lack specific traits or characteristics and compare myself to other's instead of focusing on my strengths, gifts, and God-given talents.

Consistent inappropriate act of Deception/Deceit

• Only if I were to consistently make decisions out of scarcity instead of remembering that God's love is abundant and that is the greatest Source of wealth possible.

Consistent inappropriate feeling of Defensiveness

• Only if I were to consistently indulge in the illusion that my ideals, values, and opinions are solely correct instead of appreciating people's differences and using the opportunity for self growth.

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

My Ultimate Relationship Vision:

Describe your ideal relationship. Write down everything you want. What would you relationship look like? What's the impact of this relationship? What would this relationship serve? What would it inspire? What would it bring to your life?

My ideal relationship is a soul union created through divine intervention. We have a profound connection as our soul's have been entwined for eons, since the very beginning of existence. The first time we meet, there is instant comfort and ease which serves as a solid foundation to intimacy, understanding, and greater appreciation for one another over time. There is harmony and great joy in our spiritual union – our love and delight in one another inspires and brings hope to others that, yes, deep love, intimacy and passion does exist through a partnership rooted faith and guided by God. Our openness and free-flowing communication expands and intensifies our curiosity in one another and glorifies our interconnectedness. Our adventurous spirits and hunger to explore the world brings about endless opportunities to grow individually and strengthen our relationship. We approach life with awe and wonder, welcome continual spiritual, intellectual, and physical growth, and approach life's challenges as opportunities for deepening our love, our faith and our sense of community. We deeply honor and empower one another – we fully embrace each other's greatness!

Because he is fully present with me, I feel adored, heard, understood, and treasured – I am a magnificent and beautiful goddess in the arms of my brave warrior, safe and secure in every way. He is my hero, anticipating my desires and taking action to fulfill them. I appreciate his integrity and honesty, his humor, sensitivity, centeredness, and old-soul wisdom. At night as we lay, our limbs intertwined, we whisper softly to one another our heart's desires. Once sleep envelops us, our

dreams interconnect, our passions and desires weaving together into a unified vision. During our waking hours, we continue to inspire and fuel one another because we have a shared purpose and mission to serve God and positively impact and inspire others on their journey.

Through our union, every sense is heightened. We see, hear, feel and know one another because we have chosen each other. This man is my lover, and I am his. Each day, we desire to more deeply understand one another but more so, we wish to reveal and unmask every essence of ourselves to the other. Because we freely choose to do this, our thoughts and emotions are in sync – a word need not be spoken and yet our needs or wants are simply understood.

We share our love openly and often with one another and make vows of commitment to ceremoniously unite our hearts and our futures. We find oneness in the union of our complete and whole selves. Our life flows in a natural rhythm, and we consciously evolve together, sustaining and nurturing our love through playfulness, laughter, trust, and openness.

I am the wild prairie and he a fierce fire. The flame of his masculine force burns steady and with his touch, the golden grasses catch fire, engulfing and igniting my feminine essence - our love, desire, and ferocious longing for one another burning hot and brighter still. Passion and tenderness swirl in an all-consuming inferno, magnifying my radiance and beauty and setting him free to bask in ultimate ecstasy. We fall more in love every single day.

How to Heal Your Soul

Hello, my name is Anna. And, I'm a soul healer.

Photo Credit: Quotes on Images

Earlier this month, I challenged you to dream BIG. I asked you to answer some key questions and encouraged you to set 5-7 specific goals for your year ahead. Did you do it? I hope so. If not, it's not too late! Take a moment and THINK. What do you want to accomplish in 2015? It's been said that we often overestimate what we can do in a day, but underestimate what we can do in a year. So, don't you dare underestimate yourself! THINK BIG.

During my DWD experience over two years ago in 2012, I designed my ultimate destiny. In a major nutshell, I left the seminar having written my life's Mission Statement & Purpose, my Primary Question, my top 4 Power Virtues, my Towards and Away Values and Rules, my 4 One Year Goals for 2012, and my Ideal Relationship Vision. Two months later, on a Friday evening in February, I created a visualization of my Ultimate Destiny and artfully crafted a poster to display the fruits of my labor from my DWD experience. I framed and hung this poster in my bedroom as a reminder of the kind of woman I needed to show up as each and every day to make this my reality.

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

Obviously, just writing a bunch of stuff down and creating a sweet poster doesn't guarantee that your actions will reflect your intentions. For several months, I was on FIRE. I literally felt like someone was holding a torch under my tush, and I flew full speed ahead down the most extraordinary, colorful path. Cool stuff just happened. I met incredible people. I explored. I always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. I took some major risks that put my heart in very vulnerable places. I felt this overwhelming sense of fearlessness.

For about five months.

Then, life happened. Just little things here and there at first, and I felt my momentum start to dwindle. Then life really happened, knocking me down from my high, and my heart hurt like the dickens. I felt confused and a bit broken – and I spent a long time picking up the pieces. My 2012 Vision Board got tucked away in the closet behind coats and dresses and piles of books. Along with putting away my vision board, I hid those feelings of pure excitement, determination, and unhindered joy along with it. I was hurting and trying desperately to bandage the wounds. I didn't really feel like myself. I felt numb and in an emotional fog. I consistently felt sad, lonely, and downright gloomy, especially when I found myself alone in my apartment at night. I sought comfort in food much of the time, which only added shame and guilt to an already aching heart.

Even at the time, I knew I had to change something. But, when your mind is consumed in a gray cloud of the blahs, it's often a challenge to simply muster up the energy to roll out of bed in the morning. Thankfully for me, I let the habitual, robotic something in me take over and go through my morning routine as I was expected to be at work most mornings. And, if there's anything I was good at doing, it was not disappointing others, even if I was disappointing and berating myself nearly every day.

In retrospect, life kind of sucked.

Despite the doom and gloom, however, I was intentional in doing many things to shake these crummy feelings. And yet, the books I read, the emotional exercises I did, the meetings I attended, and the conversations I had seemed to bring up more emotional junk. I had finally, after 27 years, begun to clean out the toxic crap from my past that I always swept under the rug or buried deep in my mental backyard. It's completely normal and instinctual, actually, to try and suppress emotional traumas of childhood and life in general. It's also totally human to tough it out and pretend that we weren't really affected by whatever negative event we experienced or rotten person we encountered. When asked how we are, we say things like, “I'm fine” or “No worries” as we wouldn't dare to burden others with our heart aches and emotional angst.

Yet, last year I learned two very powerful lessons.

[#1] We can't bury the pain. I mean, we can, but sooner or later it's going to fester and mold and get all sorts of smelly until we are forced to either confront it or allow it to poison our emotional state day in and day out. And, truth be told, it's downright scary to willingly look at the stale, crusty shit of our past. Which brings me to lesson number two.

[#2] Look at the shit. Breath it in, touch it, and feel it. Because, as disgusting as it sounds, it's truly necessary to scoop it up and scrub it out in order to let it all go once and for all.

I won't sugarcoat it. This is not an easy process, nor does it usually happen overnight. But please remember, you don't have to it alone. Oh yes, I definitely learned an additional lesson during my own personal clearing process:

[#3] Seek guidance and support. Call a friend or family member that you trust; Join a local meeting or support group at your church; Find a counselor, coach, or leader in your community who can help guide you through the cleaning out process; Associate with people you find inspiring and are living a life and have the kinds of relationships you desire; If you are able, disassociate from those who drain your energy; Read self-help books and write down your insights. If you embrace this, the whole process will be more manageable and much less overwhelming than if you attempt to do it independently.

Trust me on this one. Use one or two of my suggestions or, if you want to do what I did, use them ALL. If you know your heart and soul is overdue for a spring cleaning, roll up your sleeves, grab your mop and bucket, and get to work. And, try not to get discouraged if you notice that things become messier before they begin to sparkle. That's all part of the process too. It's not all unicorns and rainbows, but this is LIFE we are talking about. And, it's a part of the journey.

To Travel in Time

Hello, my name is Anna. And, I'm a time traveler.

Photo Credit: ScriptShadow

I must have been especially nice this year because for Christmas, Santa was especially kind. On Christmas morning, under the tree, I discovered, much to my delight, a brand new pair of snowshoes! Then, for New Years, I finally received the eagerly anticipated snowfall. Finally, I could bundle up and shuffle out into the quiet woods, creating a trail of flattened powder as I trod gleefully amongst the frozen tree trunks and their naked branches.

As I stomped through the fluff, my mind began to wander, drifting back and rewinding through the past 12 months. I don't know about you, but it never ceases to amaze me how much can happen in the course of a year. Beginning with my move back to Wisconsin in November of 2013, I pressed “Play” to watch a slideshow of memories.

I had just completed my 200 hour training in the movement art of yoga and had returned home to Eau Claire, WI jazzed up to start up my own yoga business and teach, teach, teach! On December 30^th, 2013, Crave Yoga and Wellness LLC was officially born. Two days later, I moved into my own one bedroom, second floor apartment, the walls freshly painted with bright colors of my choosing – a light, sea foam green to compliment the golden, hardwood floor studio room; a joyful, mustard yellow for the kitchen; and a pinkish salmon for my bedroom – on which I had hung artwork, photographs, and various décor. It was cozy and quiet – a sanctuary for reflection and my brand new home for a brand new year.

In February, I put my vivid visions of owning my own yoga studio on hold, yet continued to teach yoga every Monday evening and was thrilled to bring heated yoga to the Chippewa Valley! And, with the intended outcome of establishing some certainty and stability, I willingly (even enthusiastically!) entered into the corporate world of finance at my local credit union, ignoring the high pitched alarms that went off in my head when my soon-to-be supervisor informed me that I would be required to work on weekends and would receive only seven days of paid vacation a year. *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!* At 27 years young, this was my very first career choice that significantly lowered the flexibility that I had grown quite accustom to and comfortable with. This, I remember thinking, is the reality of most American 9-5 jobs, Anna. This was the price I must pay to establish the regularity and structure I was so desperately seeking.  My fire for wandering the world had been sufficiently snuffed, and I felt ready to settle down, plant my roots, and establish myself, once and for all, back in Wisconsin. Thus, I freely traded my time freedom for a stable (albeit minimal) paycheck, health insurance, an HSA, and began saving for retirement. (Let me just say that I think now I understand the reality of a “quarter life crisis.”)

The same week I started my new job, I began attending meetings with Overeaters Anonymous where I met my current sponsor - an extraordinary friend and confidant who I now check in with nearly every day.

I was attempting (still) to play doctor to a confused mind and a badly bruised heart that had suffered a beating from a highly emotional break-up the previous summer. With healing on my mind, I devoted conscious and focused effort to following a seven week, intensive course specifically designed to soothe my heart wounds and, ultimately, guide me towards calling in my soulmate^[1]. Each day, I completed exercises that asked me to look deep within myself for ways in which I was sabotaging my chances at love – which ultimately started from having a deeply rooted fear of rejection and failure and not truly believing I was worthy of a great, romantic and passionate love. Frankly, I was continuing to entertain the idea that my “vision” for love couldn't possibly exist and was simply not plausible. I banished those thoughts right quick, thanks to the consistent support and accountability of three dear friends who followed the program right along with me.

After completing the course, I continued to discover, much more clearly, the kind of relationship I was truly looking for – and the kind I was most decidedly not. I successfully dated, but unsuccessfully fell for, a local acupuncturist (Note – my mild phobia of needles did NOT help boost his appeal, nor did the countless jokes about how he couldn't wait to “poke” me) and a massage therapist/DJ from Iowa who dreamed big, yet seemed a little lost when it came to his sense of direction in life. While dating Mr. Iowa, I did something that I never thought I would do. Courageously and with the intention of an emotional, relationship-al detox, I did a massive Facebook “friends cleanse” which included, most importantly, the un-friending of every one of my previous exes, fun flings, and several feel-good flirtations who I purposefully kept tucked in my back pocket for whenever I craved compliments or, honestly, felt lonely and/or insecure. I cut, discarded, and sent up in flames these unhealthy, molding, and blackened relational umbilical cords. The freeness I experienced after the initial angst was almost instantaneous. And, the love of self I've experienced and nurtured since that day has been monumentally life changing. I finally recognized that I am enough. I realized, in every cell of my body, that I am worthy of a phenomenal, extraordinary love. And, from that day forward, I began attracting a higher caliper of man into my life – because I was showing up as a more confident, complete, and charismatic woman. I dappled (briefly) in online dating. I flitted through profiles with a hyper-awareness of the type of man I was searching for. A man I could deeply connect with on every level – intellectually, physically, emotionally, sexually, practically, and spiritually. After meeting for a first, second, and third date with one especially exceptional man, I thought I might have found him. But, when it was discovered that we were headed down separate paths spiritually, we mutually agreed go our separate ways. I thank each of these three gentle-men for their companionship, kindness, and for helping me prepare myself, in mind, body, and soul, for the man I will fall in love with and commit the rest of my living days to loving and sharing our life together.

While my romantic life ebbed and clearly didn't always flow, I deepened, widened, and expanded greatly my relationship with God throughout this year, choosing quite spontaneously one summer Sunday morning to reaffirm my love of Him through a ceremonial, full submersion baptism in the Chippewa River. The relationships with my closest girlfriends, from my local gals to my fabulous ladies abroad, have brought considerable joy, laughter and meaningful conversation to my life. And, I am eternally grateful to these exceptional women. To all of my special ladies: you have been a true gift sent from above. And, I love you from the bottom of my heart.

This year, being active in a variety of ways became a top priority. To compliment my personal yoga practice and my weekly yoga instruction, I was actively training for a race of some sort throughout most of the year. I sweated, grinned, and pounded my way one stride at a time in training for my first half marathon. It was a pure rush to race across the finish line to the claps and whoops of friends and family who had come out to cheer. Additionally, I completed three Row, Ride, Run Triathlons – falling in love with the variety and challenging nature of a sport involving three of my favorite things – a kayak, a bike, and a dirt trail.

Eau Claire Half Marathon, May 4th, 2014

Kickapoo River Valley Triathlon - Dam Challenge - APL

Unsurprising to many, midway through the year, I finally wised up and quit my soul-smushing job at the credit union call center. After nearly seven months, I had learned, in great detail, about credit score reports and had, by that time, taken hundreds of loan applications over the phone. I had also eaten more than my fair share of office treats from the neighboring empty cubicle. Despite the job being a less than a perfect fit for me, I have many fond memories of my fellow team members, one of whom gives the world's best high fives. I do miss those...

Once free of the confines of the “brick and mortar” life, I took a couple months to reignite my inner artist, who had been sleeping as soundly as Sleeping Beauty on Nyquil. I wrote. I blogged. I began creating again. I breathed deeper and meditated longer. I fell a little bit more in love with yoga, prayer, and the power of healing touch (ie. Reiki). And, I started brewing Kombucha - a Japanese, fermented tea drink - which has resulted in given me the closet thing I have to a pet these days – a live, symbiotic colony of bacteria I have lovingly named “Scooby the Scoby.”

As summer turned to autumn, I enrolled in a four week Myers-Briggs workshop, with the intention of expanding my knowledge on personality types, effectively discovering (with a surprising amount of simultaneous relief and excitement) that I am, in fact, slightly more introverted than extraverted – in the most beautiful of ways. Following the completion of the workshop, I was wholly intrigued by the entire process, resulting in a gentle prodding of my entire family and many of my friends to take the personal inventory^[2] and igniting a wonderful array of conversations regarding personality differences, communication, and how to merge differing personality types into successful and mutually beneficial relationships and friendships. Digging deeper, I read the fascinating book “Quiet – The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking^[3]” which has provided me even greater understanding of my natural tendencies, why I do the things that I do, think the things I think, and act the way I act. I also felt very much enlightened when I read “The Five Love Languages^[4]” {Author's Note – Should you wish to know...my top two love languages include exchanging lots of compliments and affirmative words and giving and receiving thoughtful presents! Just an FYI...*wink wink*}. Just read the book – if you put the words into action, I guarantee your relationships, both intimate and otherwise, will improve exponentially.

Throughout 2014, I traveled to California, Ohio, and Florida. I washed dishes on Thanksgiving at the Community Table. I made some new friends and let a few go. I opened my heart - I loved, I hurt, and I grew stronger because of it. Through it all, I found myself again.

My mind looped full circle back to the present as I felt the chill air nip at my cheeks and heard the soft crunch of the hibernating foliage beneath the fresh layers of snow.

"Warm Smile" - APL

I considered something. If asked to describe the last year in three words, I would choose solitude, security, and stability. As we enter more fully into a brand new year, I have a new trio of words to accompany a glistening new vision – abundance, adventure, and flow. And, to compliment and detail this new vision, I've creating a number of specific goals that I have already begun to work toward accomplishing in 2015. The following are a handful of those goals I wish to share with you:

• Play a lead role in Little Women at the Mabel Tainter Theater in Menomonie, Wisconsin this spring
• Give a public talk to inspire people to live authentically and in accordance with their deepest desires
• Become a generously paid and fully supported travel writer and photographer
• Fall in love; Stay in love <3
• Travel to Fiji, Bali, and Southeast Asia
• Meet a handsome Spanish language tutor and learn conversational Spanish
• Move to San Francisco, California

The new year is a fresh start, a clean slate. A time for new beginnings and for dreaming BIG. I encourage you to reflect over the last 12 months of your own life. What lessons did you learn? What did you love? How have you changed? How do you want to show up and live your life moving forward? Additionally, I urge you to set 5-7 one year goals for yourself that you'd like to accomplish within the year. Make them as specific as possible and write them down. Be intentional with the choices you make from this day forward. The more your decisions align with your life's mission and purpose, the more clearly you will see see your life taking shape in the way you've always dreamed. Breathe. Enjoy the journey. And, in the words of Ms. Frizzle and her Magic School Bus, “Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!”

With joy, love, and gratitude,

Anna

P.S. Also this year, I became an actual Disney Princess – my ultimate childhood dream come true. To the creators and magical players behind the movie “Frozen” - Thank you :-)

Photo Credit: Disney's Frozen

Interesting Links and Recommended Readings:

[1] “Calling In the One” by Katherine Woodward Thomas

[2] What's your personality type? Take the test! www.16personalities.com

[3] “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking” by Susan Cain

[4]“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman - What's your primary love language? Take the test! www.fivelovelanguage.com

True Love for Christmas

Photo Credit: Deviant Art

Hello, my name is Anna. And, I am totally in love.

This is that special kind of love you want to shout from the rooftops so loud that every ear in the whole wide neighborhood perks up. The kind of love that makes you feel like a comic book superhero with the power to evade sleep simply because of a pure and profound joy. I seem to have acquired a giant grin that has taken up a permanent residence from cheek to cheek from which a bubbling, seemingly contagious giggle is nearly impossible to contain. I've been praying for this kind of love. This once in a lifetime, head over heels, nothings-gonna-stop-me-now kind of love.

*happy dance!*

Yeah. Love does funny things to a person. Every sense is heightened – you begin to notice the flashy deep red of the Christmas wreath bow; the soft pitter-patter of the cool, December rain on the window pane; the sweet aroma of golden caramels still fresh and sticky at The Local Store; the lingering embrace of a dear friend complete with an extra tight squeeze to anchor in the feelings of tenderness and warmth; the icy light surprise of snowflakes landing upon your tongue, instantly enlivening every taste bud as you open your mouth wider and extend your tongue out longer to capture even more of the delicately wrapped, teeny tiny masterpieces falling quietly from heaven above.

Love makes everything more beautiful, more vibrant, more thrilling. And, this thing, this glorious thing we call love comes in many forms – and often, when you least expect it.

I wasn't really looking for it. You know, “love.” I had flown down (on my own dime) to Boca Raton, Florida to volunteer my time and talents at a major, 11 day event. My purpose for being there was relatively simple. I was there to help setup, organize, and serve over 2,700 participants in any way, shape or form at a seminar entitled “Date with Destiny” led by the world renowned Anthony Robbins.

Photo Credit: Tony Robbins

A date with who, where and a what now?

First of all, who is Destiny? And why the hell do 2,700 people from 71 countries all over the world want to date her? More importantly, can I have what she's having??

Two years ago, I attended this same seminar and, truth be told, life has never been the same again. It's difficult to put into words how a six day seminar can all of a sudden rocket your life along the path that you have always wanted to be on. Are you struggling with your health, relationships, or business? Get to this seminar. Are you filled to the brim with life as is and want more of all the good the Universe has to offer? Buy a freakin' ticket and watch your bucket overflow. The distinctions you uncover, the multiple breakthroughs you experience (and yes, as Tony will tell you, even men can have multiple breakthr“Oooh...”s), and the extraordinary PEOPLE you meet are what makes this a life changing, monumental event. The staff, the volunteer crew, and the 2,700 participants from all over the world gather together for the same reason – to take their life to the next level*.

The amount of growth, love, and connection that one receives following this seminar is nothing short of earth shattering. Hell, make that sun shattering. It's as though life suddenly bursts open with brilliant rays of adventure and opportunity, each glowing streak leading you down a golden path of discovery with treasures you never dreamed possible along the way to collect as you journey forward. Because, life is all about the journey, not the destination. And yet, there is a destiny that has been masterfully designed for each one of us. And, it's our responsibility to live out our ultimate destiny. And sometimes, we just need a little nudge or perhaps a swift kick in the bum to steer us down the right road.

So this year, in gratitude, I wanted to give back to the experience that gave me so much. Plus, there is no number of energy drinks, pre-workout scoops, or cups of espresso that come close to giving you the same electrifying buzz as a Tony Robbin's seminar. Trust me. Pair that with nearly two weeks to soak in the Florida sun during the dreary Wisconsin winter, and it was a no brainer.

From December 6^th to December 17^th, I found myself living almost entirely in the moment. An 11 day blur of totally magnetic soul connections and bringing conversations to a depth that cultivates a phenomenal understand of the human heart. I shared hugs, laughter, tears, and Florida's grandest frozen hot chocolate. I was finally able to give myself permission to let go of past hurts and emotional angst that has plagued me for far too long. And then, I forgave myself for holding on to that pain. The decision to love mySELF and fully open my heart to the beauty that surrounds me came so organically that I hardly noticed. Until I really noticed. I was asking mySELF with love and affection, “How can I embrace, even more, God's pure love and divine guidance right now?” I had fully integrated my mission into my body, mind, and soul and was experiencing the pure grace of LIVING my life's purpose.

“I, Anna, see, hear, feel, and know 

that the purpose of my life is to 

radiate joy, love, and gratitude 

for God, myself, and others.”

I have fallen head over heels in love with ME. I have a lightness in my heart, a skip in my step, and a sparkle in my eye that I've perhaps experienced before, but never fully embodied or even celebrated for that matter. But by God, I'm celebrating now! And, fair warning, this love stuff is HIGHLY contagious. And, I'm prepared to spread it to the masses.

Wishing you and yours heaps of joy, love, and gratitude this Christmas season.

With abundant love,

Anna

*An Invitation to You:  If you are interested in learning more about "Date with Destiny" or desire to attend any one of Tony Robbin's seminars, please contact me.

My First Meeting

Hello, my name is Anna. And, I am a compulsive overeater.

Nearly every Thursday these days, I attend our local Overeaters Anonymous meeting. The room is simple. There is a long folding table surrounded with seven tan, metal fold up chairs with faded pink floral seat cushions. The bookshelf is stacked with books and other OA literature for purchase or to borrow. Tacked on the bulletin board are a few special event flyers. A metallic gray boombox perches on one end of the table.

In conjunction with the layout of the small room, the format of the OA meeting is also simple. One of the members will voluntarily serve as the leader, and we typically take turns with reading or listen to a pre-recorded speaker. To begin the meeting, we recite the Serenity Prayer together. Then, we are asked to go around the room and introduce ourselves. It is here that each person states their first name only (per the tradition of anonymity) and introduces their addiction - compulsive overeater, sugar addict, bulimic, and/or anorexic.

Photo Credit: Empehi Blog

The memory of my first meeting is still fresh in my mind. I was nervous and anxious. I felt like “fresh blood” entering a room of seasoned and presumably “cured” overeaters. The members were welcoming, unassuming, and non-judgmental. And yet, I felt the heat rise high in my cheeks and my palms bead with sweat when I was asked to introduce myself. I had a momentary battle in my mind – even if I really WAS a compulsive overeater (I was still totally convinced I just lacked willpower and self-control), then why in the world would I openly identify, even label myself, as one? Doesn't coming to this meeting fix overeating? Certainly there would be strategies, goal setting, diet plans, weigh-ins and pats on the back that I would soon learn to end my overeating once and for all. I found myself feeling defensive. Had I been in a support group for cancer victims, I would have felt just as irritated if I had been asked to introduce myself by saying, “Hi, I'm Anna, and I'm cancer.” I refused to let compulsive overeating define me. As an intelligent, educated, introspective woman, I knew better. At least, I thought I did. Nevertheless, here I sat, in a cramped and cold church meeting room with five other addicts.

“Hi, I'm Anna. And, I am here.”

Thus began my journey in OA. I quickly identified a whole slew of other things about OA and the meetings that made my skin prickle with annoyance. The structure seemed drab and boring. The readings were sometimes repetitive, the process of “recovery” being slow and deliberate. And, despite the structure of the meetings, there was little advice for what I must DO to stop overeating. I just wanted someone to tell me what to do. That, or slap food out of my hand when my motivation and self-control quit working.

However, even with all the things that pin pointed and found “wrong” or upsetting about the program, I also felt a strong sense of belonging. I so deeply identified with much of the readings, the speakers, and saw myself and my struggles in the stories that other members shared aloud of their pre-OA life and recovery. Plus, I was still fearful. Fearful that I'd try OA, like I had umpteen other weight loss programs and diets, and still fail. So, I kept coming back. And, then, I'd skip a meeting. And, then, I'd go again. And, I'd ask questions. And, I'd cry. I cried in front of these men and women that I didn't even know. And, they didn't know me. But, I felt connected to them because they knew. They understood. And, we all continued to come back to OA for the same reason.

We have the desire to stop eating compulsively.

Let's Get Grateful

Hello, my name is Anna. And, I am a compulsive overeater.

And, what kind of food junkie would I be if I didn't write on THANKSGIVING! The most EPIC FOOD FEASTING HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR!

Ehem.

What I mean, of course, is the holiday that's filled with all those darling messages about giving thanks and being grateful and counting our blessings. The holiday where we hold hands with family and friends around the dinner table, bow our heads, and say grace. The holiday where we ooo and ahh at the elaborately decorated floats and gigantic balloons of the Macy Day Parade.

Wait, what's that you say? You don't know that holiday? That description doesn't ring a bell?

Well, how about the holiday were we eat until stuffing comes out our ears and drink until wine dribbles out our nose. The holiday where we can barely keep our eyelids open while watching the football game because we're in a turkey-filled comatose. The holiday where when grandma asks, “Do you want a slice of Pumpkin or Pecan?” we promptly unbutton our pants, grab a second fork in the other hand and declare “BOTH! And don't forget the whipped cream!”

Oh, you know that one? Ahh, yes. Now THAT sounds like Thanksgiving!

All sarcasm aside, Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. And, to be quite frank, it's because most of my Thanksgivings of the past have included every single one of the above descriptions. I've always looked forward to visiting with family, filling my plate during the Thanksgiving feast, reflecting on blessings of the past year, playing cards, and digging into the leftovers even before the day is through. It's the entire Thanksgiving Experience that gets me looking forward to that special Thursday in November even before the first snowflake hits the ground.

And yet, with a deeper awareness of my disease, it's most important for me to continue to make positive strides during my recovery. I struggle on days that don't include a table piled high with heaping platters of my favorite foods. And, with that knowledge, I am more aware. I am more mindful of my choices and have conscientiously focused my day on more than just the eating.

And even today, Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday.

I give thanks for my delightful community of yoga students who joined me this morning for a special holiday practice to fill their hearts and souls with some extra gratitude, love, and kindness.

I give thanks for a strong and healthy body, an insightful mind and a gentle spirit that are often much kinder to me than I am to them.

I give thanks for my incredible family and close friends. For the support I've received thus far from birth until now – especially during the past year.

I give thanks to my Creator, for having endless patience with me. For never once leaving my side, even when I did my very best to hide. The ultimate Master of Hide-and-Seek. (You always win.)

And, I give thanks for the food. For nourishing every part of my human-being. And for being so damn delicious.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tug-O-War

Hello, my name is Anna. And, I am a compulsive overeater.

9:03PM – I'm hungry. At least, I think I am hungry. As a compulsive eater, I can't always decipher my body's true needs in conjunction with my mind's psychological trickery. At times, my brain becomes trapped, a slimy Lochnest beast, screeching and pawing from the depths of my bottomless pit of a belly - greedy and noisy and totally insatiable.

Within a matter of seconds, my body and mind begin a serious game of tug-o-war – each side fighting to be the strongest to yank the rope in a valiant attempt to make a seemingly simple decision: To eat or not to eat. Yes, that IS the question. But, for a compulsive eater, it's not always so simple. I am not able, sometimes, to decipher when eating food will satisfy appropriately or trigger a binge. Depending on the quantity of food consumed (even normal, healthy portions) or a specific type of food (or certain food groups), I may be risking an eating binge. Sometimes, making even the “simplest” of food decisions has the potential to put me in a frightful state, literally activating my fight or flight response. My mind erupts in a Civil War. My heart begins to race and my jaw tightens as I grind my teeth. Unconsciously, I chew the insides of my mouth, ripping and tearing the soft pink edges of my tongue. I have difficulty concentrating as I frantically try to distract myself (“Think, think, THINK!”) and potentially dispel the powerful urge to find food immediately.

Photo Credit: The Daily Caller

But, perhaps I really AM hungry? I notice a slight gnawing feeling in my belly and hear a quiet rumble. Not giving in to a craving is one thing, but depriving my body is another. When was the last time I ate? Did I eat too little for dinner? How about that piece of fruit I had an hour ago? My belly monster should not be shouting this loud. It's cries reverberating within my skull like echoes bouncing throughout a drafty, cavernous cathedral. No brain, no focus. I'm a ravenous Scarecrow from the Wizard of freaking Oz – if I only had a brain...

Sane thoughts do pop up, here and there, as I try one last attempt to quiet the belly beast. “It's late, you'll be going to bed in a couple of hours. You can hold out at least that long, right?” I run through a mental list. Try meditating? (Not again...) Pray? (*sigh*) Write? (I am writing, damn it.) Go for a walk, breath in the fresh air? (Hells no. It's colder than a packet of frozen peas outside!)

I think I really am hungry.

The soldiers slowly begin to ceasefire as my mind begins to contemplate food options. My brain quickly calculates just what and how much I should eat - it is nearing bedtime, after all. It's important for me to consider this carefully. It's easy to overindulge after the stress-filled battle my mind has just put me through. For normal eaters and overeaters alike, stress often activates the desire to eat. When we eat, we automatically take deeper, more satisfying breaths. Take note of that the next time you eat in an anxious state. It's no wonder so many people often feel physically calmer after a meal.

This whole scenario doesn't last for more than 5-10 minutes. On other days, it may be longer depending on how many distraction tactics I can talk myself into doing. Regardless, it complicates my food decisions - nearly every single one.

In our modern culture, how many times a day are we faced with food related decisions? The office potluck, our friend's birthday party, weekly grocery shopping, and, of course, the ultimate food holiday coming up right around the corner, Thanksgiving. Do you feel as though your hunger cues get spun up like a cycle of whirling laundry, twirling until the feelings blur together, and you can't clearly detect want over need?

Photo Credit: Silver Circle Art Center

Though I still continue to feel this way sometimes (especially as night falls...), I am actively training my mind and body to find deeper alignment so I can better understand my feelings towards food and make decisions out of love for myself and the recovery I have dedicated myself to. I want to turn my mental battles into a field of daisy's and whispering winds – gimme the unicorns and fluffy pick clouds. Is that too much to ask?