Hello, this is Me.

Hello. My name is Anna. And, I am a compulsive overeater.

For as long as I can remember, I've had an abnormal relationship with food. I can recall being a little girl, visiting my Italian grandmother in California and, while eating dinner, having her exclaim, “My, my Anna! You are such a good little eater!” I grinned, helping myself to more.

I was raised in a family where my Italian bloodline was practically infused with pasta and wine, and my Polish side loved their beer. Family gatherings, on either side of the family, always meant a plethora of food, drink, and dessert. Food equaled love. And I loved food.

During my sophomore year of high school, I began to notice that most of my girlfriends were a lot smaller than me. As I watched them spin and pump their pom-poms during the basketball game half-time, I thought, “What am I doing wrong?” My girlfriends were dating, whispering stories about their first kiss, while I prayed every night before bed that my current crush would ask me to the Homecoming Dance. Something must be wrong, and I was determined to fix it.

In the five months that followed, I dropped over 40 lbs. I had no real knowledge how to lose weight “healthfully.” The only strategy I knew of was to eat less (a LOT less) and exercised more (every day without fail). For nearly 150 days, I went to bed hungry every night. I played mind games with myself, successfully convincing myself that I hated pizza and chocolate so that in the event that someone offered it to me I would immediately wrinkle my nose and say, “Oh God no, I despise the stuff.”

It's interesting, you may note, that I introduced myself as a compulsive overeater when I've just finished telling you about my five month stint of major nutrition deprivation and rigorous exercise. Compulsive overeaters have the ability to be extremely disciplined. But, eventually, we hit a breaking point.

My breaking point happened in June of 2003 when my family took a vacation to Europe for one month. I was thrilled to be wearing my first two piece swimsuit while basking on the Greek Islands. I had also finally given myself permission to eat. And I ATE. I had second and third helpings of food at our friends homes and was just shy of licking my plate clean at the restaurants we dined at. Having deprived myself so greatly for almost half a year, I was more than willing to eat my way through Germany, Italy and Greece. I frequently went to bed so stuffed, that I remember being utterly relieved to be going to sleep for 7-8 hours so I could give my body a break and not have to think about not eating. Food was my constant travel companion; my next meal being mentally planned almost immediately after we had finished eating. I gained 10+ lbs during that month abroad. And therein began my cronic battle with food addiction.

Eleven years later and here I am sharing my story. Inviting you along to follow my journey to recovery. It's a bumpy ride, but I look forward to sharing many of the insights I've learned and discovered along the way.

The purpose of this blog is to bring to light the disease of compulsive overeating, food, and exercise addition. This disease is serious, dangerous, and is often extremely debilitating emotionally, mentally, and physically. And yet, there is hope. I find hope and strength in support groups, mentors, and by creating awareness through community. Know that you are not alone. You are not defined by your compulsive eating. Let us come together and rally in support of one another, along with reaching out to friends and family who suffer in silence. Together, we are a force for good. A united front towards healing, self-love, and forgiveness of ourselves - one day at a time.

Be well,

Anna

LIKE Crave Yoga & Wellness LLC on Facebook