Thousands of Mornings

Her heart pulsed behind a towering castle wall. Confined on the shore beyond walls of stone, a queen waited, unsure but hopeful that she would one day meet her king.

He stood tall in his ship as it glided through the expansive waters, bringing him nearer. When he dismounted to the solidness of the earth, she watched him draw his sword. Slowly, diligently, he began sawing at the chains, link by link, of the towering door that separated them. The wooden hinges creaked as the door loosened from it's cold, stone frame.

When the chains lay discarded and useless on the ground, the door crashed open and light poured in. The mist from the foaming sea salted the air inside the castle walls. The queen observed him carefully. He stood proud. Strong. Mighty. Certain. He knew, without a shred of doubt that inside those walls was his treasure. He stepped within, to claim what would soon be his.

He stood at a close distance at first. Behind his creamy, opaque eyes, she could feel the heat of fire inside. He spoke of how God had guided him to her and that he didn't know how but he would make her his. Someway, somehow - this was his mission.

Each day he returned, and each day she allowed him nearer. He calmed the fear in her heart and quieted the turbulence in her mind. He soothed her soul with his love, his devotion, his loyalty, his wisdom. His words rang true again and again. “How does he know?” she wondered. “How does he see my soul? How does he read my heart?” He ignited excitement and joy in a vision of a future they would share. He opened his arms, and she surrendered. Their bodies molded, their hearts entwined, their spirits lifted.

He was the one she had called forth. She was the one he had been seeking.

And the walls came crumbling down until all that was left between them was the wind. A rustling wind that whirled and swirled and, once in a while, took their breath away. The rhythm of life, of love, pulsed like a steady, beating drum. Within him, his fire roared. Within her, she yearned for more.

"I want to love you for thousands of mornings," he would whisper to her. And, he promised to give her everything her heart desired.

And she smiled, for she knew her king had come.

Then one day, as they lay in each other's arms, the wind grew stronger, the sky darkened, and lightening struck. Thunder rumbled and the wind whipped with a vengeance they had never before seen. They cried out as she watched the churning waters, and he listened to the ocean rage.

The castle walls came up and the chains relinked. The heart of the queen sought shelter in the storm that she prayed would soon pass.

Yet, unbeknownst to her, a sharp bolt of lightening had pierced her king. A jagged strike straight to his heart. His heart had been left open, unguarded, while he wooed and sought his treasured queen. He remembered feeling this severity of pain only once before. Though the deep gash from long ago had healed, it burst open in an instant. One bolt splicing his heart open wide. She looked on in shock, watching him bleed.

He stumbled back, retreating from her towards the sea, and heaved himself onto his ship that lay rocking in the waves that tumbled towards shore. As he clutched his heart and tried to steady his ragged breath, she reached for him beyond her castle walls and took his hand. She felt wary of the calm that came with the aftermath of the storm's obvious destruction.

"I'm so sorry," she whisper with tears streaming down her face.

"Me too," he replied.

For, in the purity of their love, they had freely given one another a piece of their own protected heart. Hers, kept safe and guarded behind the walls of a castle and his contained within the wooden beams of a sturdy ship. But, in their love, they had chosen to open their hearts completely, knowing full well the risk they were taking. With hearts fully exposed, the storm had ravaged and wounded them both. Though, even in the pain, they knew the risk had been worth it. They had gambled for deep love, even without the certainty of winning.

With love freely shared, they realized in astonishment that a piece of their heart had been given to the other. With a parting promise, they vowed to keep their portion of the other safe and to cherish and protect that special piece which they now held within themselves.

Clasping hands, they prayed. And, they wept. For though the storm had passed, there was no forgiving it's presence and the damage it had done.

“At least, not for now,” he said, his voice wavering.

"This doesn't feel like goodbye," she whispered.

"Maybe then, it's just 'see you later'," he replied.

"Ok,” she sighed, kissing him softly. “Thousands of mornings...later.”

“God bless you,” he said with tears in his eyes.

“Que Dios te bendigo,” she murmured back.

And with those last words, a final blessing, the anchor came up, and she stood, quiet and still, as the mighty ship set sail carrying her king into the setting sun.

Discovering the Hidden

It was dreary on Friday morning. The rain came down steadily, the sky a dull gray and the mountains clouded in a foggy mist. I had finished my breakfast and was relishing in the knowledge that I was pretty well disconnected from the world. No internet. No cell phone service. An old school landline connected to a cordless phone was my only lifeline, shall we say. In case of emergencies only.

It was so quiet. Only the gentle pitter patter of rain on the roof and the quiet whir of the dehumidifier left running by the retired couple whose house I was staying in for the next several days. Good family friends of my parents, I had stayed in their home in October of 2013 when I completed my yoga teacher training at an ashram only 20 minutes away. Currently, they were off traveling and had graciously opened up their home to me and, in exchange, I would water their plants and feed their friendly black and white cat, Sam. I had come back to the mountains, just north of Boulder, a year and a half later for some solitude and rest. A personal retreat of sorts to relax and restore my body, mind, and soul. It almost seemed as if the Universe had sent the mist to wrap me up in a cozy embrace while also serving as my invisibility cloak to hide me temporarily from the outside world.

With intentions to visit the ashram that morning and take a yoga class, I drove down the potholed dirt road until I reached Highway 72. Convinced I had the simple route to the ashram memorized after having driven it every morning and every night for the 21 days of my yoga training, I didn't bother powering up my GPS. I turned right.

It didn't take more than fifteen minutes to realize my mistake. Along with that realization came the sinking knowledge that I would not be making it to 10:00AM yoga on time. So instead, I just kept on driving. Surely there must have been a reason I found myself cruising through a valley on the opposite side of the mountain.

Initially hoping that the curvy mountain road would loop around and bring me back towards home (despite an extended detour), I soon began to worry that it was much more likely that I was just simply driving farther and farther away. So, I turned 'round and started back the way I had come.

Within minutes, I passed a dark brown blob on my right, hardly noticeable through my rain streaked passenger side window. I slowed and rolled down my window. A moose. Elegant, powerful, and uninterested, I watched the moose munch away on a roadside bush, it's brownish black fur dark and wet, as though it had idly smeared greasy pomade over it's entire body before heading out for work in it's natural, woodsy office.

I smiled and lifted my gaze to the overcast sky. So, this was the purpose behind my unexpected detour. High-five, God. Well played.

Before my moose sighting, I had passed through the unassuming town of Ward. A small community tucked in the mountains, a quick blink and I might have easily missed it. But, as I retraced my route, driving back through the village, I looked a bit more closely.

The town seemed disheveled and almost forgotten – a haphazard giant's playground with a child's discarded toys left to rust and rot in the muddied earth. There were banged up trucks and numerous junked automobiles parked on the side of the road, their wheels sinking slowly into the softened ground. Well intentioned owners surely meaning to fix them up “some day” but now instead, they sat as permanent fixtures in the town's landscape. I noticed a bent and scraped sign pointing to the library and post office. Paint peeled off the sides of the houses and a few windows were cracked or some smashed straight through entirely. Had it not been for the “OPEN” sign on the village's general store window and tendrils of gray smoke coming up through a few roof tops, I would have assumed the whole town asleep or uninhibited. Or abducted, as one particularly humorous road sign seemed to indicate.

The bell tinkled as I entered the store. “No Photo's Please” a door sign stated upon entry. I was greeted warmly by the older gentleman vacuuming the floor who, at the same time, furrowed his brow at the sight of my camera. I introduced myself and smiled, assuring him that I would respect his sign and take no pictures. He seemed to relax then and his tone reflected his appreciation. His eyes crinkled at the corners, his skin tough and leathered from the elements. There was dirt under his tidily trimmed fingernails and his hair held hints of silver. His name was Frank.

Curious about this village, I started asking questions. This little town of Ward had only about 150 inhabitants today. “Used to be over 3,000 in the 1930's,” he told me, before the gold ran out. “Normally, the town is bustling with cyclists, especially on the weekends. There's usually at least ten bikes parked outside the store with over 100 coming through on Saturdays and Sundays. Tourists visit a lot too. My wife Mindy and I, we've owned this store for eleven years. She make's felt hats. She's sold over 1,000 since I've known her.” He brought me then, to the back of the small shop where there were several of her felt creations on display– hats, purses, scarves. Beautiful works of art, the colorful fiber had been pounded flat and expertly shaped.

“Do you have a business card?” I asked. Frank handed me one. “We don't have a phone number. No email either,” he stated matter-of-factly, but with a hint of pride. “We don't like the internet or cell phones. It's especially nice when the electricity goes out at home. It's so peaceful and quiet. The worst thing about coming to this store is to hear the sound of the refrigerator. I hate it. Believe it or not, only a few people here in town have running water toilets. I think we're up to fifteen total now.”

I was delighted in conversation with Frank. Soon, his wife Mindy arrived wearing one of her original felt hat designs. Frank swelled visibly with love and pride when she entered the store. They had been married for 20 years, she said. “Picked him up hitch hiking down the mountain one day,” she grinned. “But, it wasn't until a couple years later that we reconnected and got together. He showed up with a pile of laundry at my house one day and just never left!”

They both chuckled, and I felt warmed by their tenderness towards each other and comfortable ease at which she teased him. Frank suggested I visit the library before I leave. An interesting place, he said, that most people don't really know about as it's hidden in the back room of the old school house turned post office. It's always open. “And, just across the street there,” he gestured at an old blue and rusted truck next to a heaping junk pile with an artistic flair, “is one of the most photographed places on earth. And old hippy used to run his art studio out of that truck. He and anyone who chose to stop by would sit outside in the backyard on old couches and smoke weed,” he recalled fondly. “The old man died a few years ago. But, no one has ever cleaned up the spot. The whole town loved him. You know, some things are just better left unchanged.”

I thanked him and his wife and went on my way, a light, misting rain greeting me as I exited the store. The mound of stuff across the street intrigued me. Metal bed frames, rusted hub caps, mismatched shoes, and several sets of downhill skis were jumbled and tangled and twisted up into an intentional and yet, bizarre pile – creativity gone haywire and influenced by who-knows-what substances. Now it stood, a memorial for a man well-loved by the town of Ward.

I hiked the short distance up the road to the old school house with it's bell still housed in the roof top tower. I wandered to the back of the building and entered a glassed sunroom, light streaking in through the dirtied windows. There were books piled on a chair and on the window sills. I pushed open the next door, and there it was - the Ward Public Library. It was only one room, with a loft that could be reached by climbing the spiraled, hand-carved, dark wood staircase. Footprints and paw-prints marked the dusty floors. Old “Highlights” magazines lay scattered on the ground and piles of books, old records, and curled maps had been stacked on tables, desks, chairs, and bookshelves. The room smelled of must and dust – leather bound books with their yellowed pages strewn about the room in complete disorder. I couldn't be tempted to touch or rearrange a thing. It was perfect.

I had felt as if I had been told a secret. I delighted in this hidden, peaceful place. Yes, a hidden library in a hidden mountain village, who's inhabitants hid quietly inside their homes – private and undisturbed. I tiptoed away, not wishing to unsettle a thing in this mystical and odd little village.

I had thought it was a moose that was the reason for my mis-turn. How wonderful to discover all the other hidden treasures the Colorado mountains had in store for me on that drippy, wet, Friday morning.

Be Fucking Brave

I'll be honest. I'm scared a lot. In my minimal preparation for this road trip west, I noticed often that my mind would be consumed by a whole swarm of fears that, in reality, would most likely never happen. Like, being stranded with a flat tire in the middle of nowhere Nebraska. Possible, but just not likely. This mind madness happens to me all the time. And, if I were to listen to those fears intently, nodding my head in agreement that, yes, I absolutely could get mugged by an unruly band of highway pirates while filling my tank at a lonely gas station, there is no way I would have packed up my car and began the 14+ hour drive west to Colorado. No freaking way. But, thankfully, I've learned how to train my body and my brain to quiet those chilling thoughts, take a deep breath and go, “Hey Fear – you are simply not serving me in this moment. Hush now. Let's be on our way.”

And so, I went.

As one who pretty much despises the idea of paying for a hotel, I had rigged up the passenger side of my little red 1998 VW Beetle into a flat, albeit slightly cramped, sleeping area. Perfect for power naps along the way too, as needed. I stopped at Target to buy a GPS (a MUST for any road tripper) and plugged in Boulder, CO. 14 hours and 38 minutes of drive time until I arrived at my final destination. Another must for road tripping? An audio book. That morning, I had downloaded “The Memory Keeper's Daughter,” a novel I had had on my bookshelf for years but hadn't yet read. Within the first half hour, the story had me hooked, and I barely seemed to notice my surroundings as I rocketed (at a very normal, safe and legal speed...) down the seemingly endless stretch of highway. It was only at sunset, while I was catching up with a friend on the phone, that my eyes took time to drink in the beauty of the Iowa landscape. Rolling green hills, giant wind energy turbines circling steadily clockwise, and the clouds in the sky lighting up like a fiery orange, fluffy flame as though set fire by the receding sun.

I made it all the way to Omaha, NE. My friend hooked me up with her sister last minute, so I actually had a bed to sleep in before I set off again, refreshed, the following morning. I drove a couple hours before stopping at a rest stop to stretch and use the facilities. It was a beautiful morning, still a little cool from the night, but warming up quickly. I pulled my yoga mat from my back seat and found a grassy spot to do a short yoga flow. I had been severely neglecting my yoga practice in the last month, and my muscles felt tight and pinched. Within minutes, I felt better; loose and more open. I still had about seven hours to go; my audio book still had me completely captivated.

I reached Boulder, CO around 6:30PM. Just in time to meet up with a friend for dinner. It had been since November of 2013 when I was last in Boulder, and I found comfort in the hustle and bustle of the Pearl St Mall on this unusually cool Thursday evening. I had arrived. Safe and without incident.

I shudder to think of all the missed experiences I would have if I chose to play captive to my irrational fears. It's not always easy to live courageously, but for me, it's totally worth it. I don't always have my next step planned out. I often live with much of my life and my future unknown. But, I know I am guided in my steps. I trust in the Flow of my life and that I am led to certain places and introduced to certain people for a reason. The power is in the choices that we make each day and the way in which we choose to live our life. And, I choose to live through the fear.

Be fucking brave, my friends. Be fucking brave.

Live the Life

While perusing through an antique and craft shop in Stanley, WI last week (such a GEM of a store!), I came across an old Remington Rand Deluxe Model typewriter. When I saw the price tag ($25.00!!), I hardly hesitated.

“I'm a writer,” I thought. “I need this.”

At the cash register, I struck up a conversation with the women behind the counter. She estimated the typewriter was from the 1920's. It was in great condition. The black and red ribbon was frayed slightly in the middle but still punched thick, bold letters onto the crinkled white piece of paper. Some of the keys stuck. The metal joints and hinges ached for a thorough dusting.

“Ten years ago, you couldn't give a typewriter away!” she exclaimed. “I've thrown hundreds away over the years. This one though, yeah. This one's in good shape.” A Stanley native, Jean worked at the local prison for her “day job” and antiqued on the weekends for the love of it.

“So, you're a writer?” she questioned aloud after asking me what I do. “Boy, if you ever want stories, I gotta lotta stories. Always thought I should write a book about 'em. Gimme a call sometime, honey. Yeah, I got a lotta stories for ya.”

I grinned. This isn't work. This is pure pleasure.

Today, I set out on my road trip west to Colorado. I only saw it fitting to embark on this new adventure with the above quote by the celebrated writer, Henry David Thoreau.

And just look at those keys! Isn't it a beauty?

In Search of Everything Beautiful

You know what's crazy?

What's crazy is when things that are seemingly separate in your life merge together and all of a sudden you have this realization that everything in your life is, in fact, completely and totally connected.

Allow me share a short and serendipitous story with you.

As many of you know, for the past two months, I have played the character "Jo" in "Little Women." (A large reason why my blog went into temporary hibernation.) Jo is a spunky teenager, full of adventure, fiercely independent, and an aspiring writer. During one of the most powerful and emotional scenes in the play, Jo's younger sister Beth says, "I never saw myself as anything much, not a great writer like you." To which Jo responds, "Oh Beth, I am not a great writer..."

"But you will be,” Beth replies.

Rewind to May 5th when my first published story became available in bookstores all over the world. How do I know it's all over the world? Because, this weekend, I received an email from a gentleman in Saudi Arabia.

He wrote:

"Hello Ms. Anna,

I hope you are doing well. I'm not sure whether or not you are the same Anna Lucas who wrote the wonderful story "Just Me," from a recently published book by the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, Time to Thrive. The story, however, touched my heart and soothed my soul in a very positive way...You are a very talented writer and your writing style is beautiful beyond the words can ever describe...You deserve more than to be called a great writer."

My jaw dropped.

You know, sometimes, you have this vision of what you want your life to be. You have hopes and dreams, fears and fidgets – without really knowing why or how to explain them. All I can say is that right now, I am on a quest, in search of everything beautiful in this world. I intend to share this beauty with you, through writing my travel stories, sharing insights, and showcasing my photography. I invite you to join me in your own search of what you find beautiful in this world. And, let us see what wonderful things come of it.

“But you will be,” she said.

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

"Vision Board - 2015"

Be a Powerful Visionary

Hello, my name is Anna. And, I am a visionary.

Last month, I challenged you to THINK BIG. Now, I'm not the sort of person to simply ask you to do this without also accepting the challenge myself. So, two weeks ago, I did something I've never done before. At exactly midnight on Saturday, January 17^th, I flicked my phone into airplane mode, effectively disconnecting myself from the distractions of the world wide web, Facebook, texts, emails, and phone calls. For the following 49 ½ hours, I went off the grid, dressed in my most comfy pair of pjs, poured myself a glass of homemade Kombucha, and scattered my personal journals, some pens, a few books, stacks of magazines, and my 2012 Date with Destiny (DWD) workbook on my midnight blue, feather duvet.

Then, I got busy. I had done a significant amount of emotional foundational work prior to this weekend during the DWD seminar I had attended two years prior. But, this past December, I discovered a couple of things.

[#1] For several months between 2013 and 2014, I had stopped living my mission and my core values. I had lost sight of the clear vision I had seen for my life and thus was no longer really acting or living my life in the way I should to ultimately manifest that vision. Needless to say, I had been struggling for a long while.

[#2] Once I began to look at the old 2012 vision board I had created, I quickly realized it need a tune up. Much of it was still very relevant, but I needed to reorder some things, set new one year goals, and definitely spice up my relationship vision.

So, that Saturday morning, I read. I scribbled notes. I danced. I drank a LOT of tea. I thought. I stretched. I thought more. I wrote.

I used my DWD workbook as a guide to ask myself good questions. I read through four journals I had filled in the last two years. I reflected, I pondered, I decided.

And, I got pretty juiced. I mean, this is MY ULTIMATE DESTINY we are talking about here!

It is a deep belief of mine that we must, at the very least, ask for the things that we desire in life. Not plead, not beg, but ask and stay open to the answer. But before asking, we must get crystal clear with what we are asking for. And, by God, I was determined to get clearer than a fresh mountain stream.

Once I had written everything down (after hours of revising, editing, expanding, and deleting), I got my artsy on. I grabbed my scissors, scooped up a stack of magazines, and started clipping. Words, numbers, phrases, pictures – anything that highlighted or represented a part of my “new and improved” vision. I was set on designing a colorful poster to boldly illustrate my ultimate destiny. At 1:29AM on Monday morning, I had completed my poster - just shy of 49 ½ hours later after disconnecting from the outside world.

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

Then, I went through and read everything out loud. My mission statement, my primary question, my “I Am” power words, my towards and away values, my 5 one year goals, and, my personal favorite, my relationship vision. These overall concepts may not be fully understandable to most people (unless you've attended a DWD event), but when you read what they represent per my example, you might better understand. Regardless, you'll get a VERY intimate look into the kind of woman I am, the type of woman I choose to be, and the way I wish to live my life each and every day.

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

My Mission Statement:

I, Anna, see, hear, feel, and know that the purpose of my life is to radiate joy, love and gratitude for God, myself, and others!

My Primary Questions:

How can I embrace, even more, God's pure love and divine guidance right now?

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

My “I Am” Power Words:

I am LOVE

I am PEACE

I am WHOLE

I am GUIDED

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

My Top 5 One Year Goals:

[#1] To fall in love with the man in my Ultimate Relationship Vision

[#2] To write my first novel

[#3] To perform the role of 'Jo' in the live theatrical production of “Little Women” this spring

[#4] To learn, understand, and confidently speak Spanish

[#5] To travel – specifically to spend 1-2 months road-tripping across the USA from Wisconsin to California this summer and to spend 1 ½ months in Bali this fall

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

My Towards Values:

“Anytime I...”

God/Spirit

• Have a heart and soul connection with my Creator through meditation, prayer, song or conversation; or
• Honor God's creation by appreciating my surroundings, the beauty of nature, and the earth's inhabitants; or
• Speak my truth and share my love of God and all humanity; or
• Am moved to strong emotions of joy, love, and/or gratitude; or
• Feel the goosebumps of God's warm embrace.

Love/Connection

• Remember that God is in my heart and loves me unconditionally; or
• Share conversation or comfortable silence with my Higher Power, family, friends, and/or my community; or
• Give or receive warm hugs and/or sweet kisses; or
• Reach out to a person in need of a friend or confidant.

Wellness/Health

• Move my body with intention through exercise, dance, and/or yoga, challenge my mind and expand my intellect, and/or nourish my spirit; or
• Am reminded what a blessing it is to be able-bodied and/or take time to strengthen my muscles and/or push my body to expand it's limits; or
• Consume healthful food and drink and/or avoid toxic elements; or
• Witness changes in my body and/or gather more wisdom in my mind and soul.

Inner Peace

• Consciously take a deep breath; or
• Spend any amount of time in mediation and/or prayer; or
• Choose to rest; or
• Smile.

Joy

• Laugh so much it becomes contagious; or
• See love and/or excitement expressed between others; or
• Share in someone else's joyful moments; or
• Feel my eyes sparkling.

Service

• Give of my time, money, and other resources for the betterment of the earth and it's people; or
• Help out a friend or stranger in need; or
• Am generous, open-hearted, or compassionate.

Abundance

• Delight in the richness of God's love and unending compassion; or
• Remember all the blessings in my life; or
• Achieve monetary success.

Curiosity/Wonder

• Am mindful of the experience I am having in the present moment; or
• Experience a sense of awe and/or fascination in the discovery of something new; or
• Take the opportunity to learn, explore, and/or feed my wanderlust.

Authenticity

• Speak my truth; or
• Make decisions from my heart; or
• Honor and respect my body, mind, and spirit.

Courage

• Find strength to do something despite an underlying fear of the unknown; or
• Go on an adventure, experience a new culture, and/or introduce myself to a new person; or
• Follow the path less traveled.

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

Away Values:

Consistent inappropriate feeling of Worry

• Only if I were to consistently obsess or agonize over things out of my control instead of remembering to let go and let God.

Consistent inappropriate feeling of Shame/Guilt

• Only if I were to consistently ruminate over past poor decisions instead of embracing the opportunity to apologize as needed and forgive myself.

Consistent inappropriate feeling of Self-Doubt/Jealousy

• Only if I were to consistently indulge in the illusion that I lack specific traits or characteristics and compare myself to other's instead of focusing on my strengths, gifts, and God-given talents.

Consistent inappropriate act of Deception/Deceit

• Only if I were to consistently make decisions out of scarcity instead of remembering that God's love is abundant and that is the greatest Source of wealth possible.

Consistent inappropriate feeling of Defensiveness

• Only if I were to consistently indulge in the illusion that my ideals, values, and opinions are solely correct instead of appreciating people's differences and using the opportunity for self growth.

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

My Ultimate Relationship Vision:

Describe your ideal relationship. Write down everything you want. What would you relationship look like? What's the impact of this relationship? What would this relationship serve? What would it inspire? What would it bring to your life?

My ideal relationship is a soul union created through divine intervention. We have a profound connection as our soul's have been entwined for eons, since the very beginning of existence. The first time we meet, there is instant comfort and ease which serves as a solid foundation to intimacy, understanding, and greater appreciation for one another over time. There is harmony and great joy in our spiritual union – our love and delight in one another inspires and brings hope to others that, yes, deep love, intimacy and passion does exist through a partnership rooted faith and guided by God. Our openness and free-flowing communication expands and intensifies our curiosity in one another and glorifies our interconnectedness. Our adventurous spirits and hunger to explore the world brings about endless opportunities to grow individually and strengthen our relationship. We approach life with awe and wonder, welcome continual spiritual, intellectual, and physical growth, and approach life's challenges as opportunities for deepening our love, our faith and our sense of community. We deeply honor and empower one another – we fully embrace each other's greatness!

Because he is fully present with me, I feel adored, heard, understood, and treasured – I am a magnificent and beautiful goddess in the arms of my brave warrior, safe and secure in every way. He is my hero, anticipating my desires and taking action to fulfill them. I appreciate his integrity and honesty, his humor, sensitivity, centeredness, and old-soul wisdom. At night as we lay, our limbs intertwined, we whisper softly to one another our heart's desires. Once sleep envelops us, our

dreams interconnect, our passions and desires weaving together into a unified vision. During our waking hours, we continue to inspire and fuel one another because we have a shared purpose and mission to serve God and positively impact and inspire others on their journey.

Through our union, every sense is heightened. We see, hear, feel and know one another because we have chosen each other. This man is my lover, and I am his. Each day, we desire to more deeply understand one another but more so, we wish to reveal and unmask every essence of ourselves to the other. Because we freely choose to do this, our thoughts and emotions are in sync – a word need not be spoken and yet our needs or wants are simply understood.

We share our love openly and often with one another and make vows of commitment to ceremoniously unite our hearts and our futures. We find oneness in the union of our complete and whole selves. Our life flows in a natural rhythm, and we consciously evolve together, sustaining and nurturing our love through playfulness, laughter, trust, and openness.

I am the wild prairie and he a fierce fire. The flame of his masculine force burns steady and with his touch, the golden grasses catch fire, engulfing and igniting my feminine essence - our love, desire, and ferocious longing for one another burning hot and brighter still. Passion and tenderness swirl in an all-consuming inferno, magnifying my radiance and beauty and setting him free to bask in ultimate ecstasy. We fall more in love every single day.

How to Heal Your Soul

Hello, my name is Anna. And, I'm a soul healer.

Photo Credit: Quotes on Images

Earlier this month, I challenged you to dream BIG. I asked you to answer some key questions and encouraged you to set 5-7 specific goals for your year ahead. Did you do it? I hope so. If not, it's not too late! Take a moment and THINK. What do you want to accomplish in 2015? It's been said that we often overestimate what we can do in a day, but underestimate what we can do in a year. So, don't you dare underestimate yourself! THINK BIG.

During my DWD experience over two years ago in 2012, I designed my ultimate destiny. In a major nutshell, I left the seminar having written my life's Mission Statement & Purpose, my Primary Question, my top 4 Power Virtues, my Towards and Away Values and Rules, my 4 One Year Goals for 2012, and my Ideal Relationship Vision. Two months later, on a Friday evening in February, I created a visualization of my Ultimate Destiny and artfully crafted a poster to display the fruits of my labor from my DWD experience. I framed and hung this poster in my bedroom as a reminder of the kind of woman I needed to show up as each and every day to make this my reality.

Photo Credit: Anna Lucas

Obviously, just writing a bunch of stuff down and creating a sweet poster doesn't guarantee that your actions will reflect your intentions. For several months, I was on FIRE. I literally felt like someone was holding a torch under my tush, and I flew full speed ahead down the most extraordinary, colorful path. Cool stuff just happened. I met incredible people. I explored. I always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. I took some major risks that put my heart in very vulnerable places. I felt this overwhelming sense of fearlessness.

For about five months.

Then, life happened. Just little things here and there at first, and I felt my momentum start to dwindle. Then life really happened, knocking me down from my high, and my heart hurt like the dickens. I felt confused and a bit broken – and I spent a long time picking up the pieces. My 2012 Vision Board got tucked away in the closet behind coats and dresses and piles of books. Along with putting away my vision board, I hid those feelings of pure excitement, determination, and unhindered joy along with it. I was hurting and trying desperately to bandage the wounds. I didn't really feel like myself. I felt numb and in an emotional fog. I consistently felt sad, lonely, and downright gloomy, especially when I found myself alone in my apartment at night. I sought comfort in food much of the time, which only added shame and guilt to an already aching heart.

Even at the time, I knew I had to change something. But, when your mind is consumed in a gray cloud of the blahs, it's often a challenge to simply muster up the energy to roll out of bed in the morning. Thankfully for me, I let the habitual, robotic something in me take over and go through my morning routine as I was expected to be at work most mornings. And, if there's anything I was good at doing, it was not disappointing others, even if I was disappointing and berating myself nearly every day.

In retrospect, life kind of sucked.

Despite the doom and gloom, however, I was intentional in doing many things to shake these crummy feelings. And yet, the books I read, the emotional exercises I did, the meetings I attended, and the conversations I had seemed to bring up more emotional junk. I had finally, after 27 years, begun to clean out the toxic crap from my past that I always swept under the rug or buried deep in my mental backyard. It's completely normal and instinctual, actually, to try and suppress emotional traumas of childhood and life in general. It's also totally human to tough it out and pretend that we weren't really affected by whatever negative event we experienced or rotten person we encountered. When asked how we are, we say things like, “I'm fine” or “No worries” as we wouldn't dare to burden others with our heart aches and emotional angst.

Yet, last year I learned two very powerful lessons.

[#1] We can't bury the pain. I mean, we can, but sooner or later it's going to fester and mold and get all sorts of smelly until we are forced to either confront it or allow it to poison our emotional state day in and day out. And, truth be told, it's downright scary to willingly look at the stale, crusty shit of our past. Which brings me to lesson number two.

[#2] Look at the shit. Breath it in, touch it, and feel it. Because, as disgusting as it sounds, it's truly necessary to scoop it up and scrub it out in order to let it all go once and for all.

I won't sugarcoat it. This is not an easy process, nor does it usually happen overnight. But please remember, you don't have to it alone. Oh yes, I definitely learned an additional lesson during my own personal clearing process:

[#3] Seek guidance and support. Call a friend or family member that you trust; Join a local meeting or support group at your church; Find a counselor, coach, or leader in your community who can help guide you through the cleaning out process; Associate with people you find inspiring and are living a life and have the kinds of relationships you desire; If you are able, disassociate from those who drain your energy; Read self-help books and write down your insights. If you embrace this, the whole process will be more manageable and much less overwhelming than if you attempt to do it independently.

Trust me on this one. Use one or two of my suggestions or, if you want to do what I did, use them ALL. If you know your heart and soul is overdue for a spring cleaning, roll up your sleeves, grab your mop and bucket, and get to work. And, try not to get discouraged if you notice that things become messier before they begin to sparkle. That's all part of the process too. It's not all unicorns and rainbows, but this is LIFE we are talking about. And, it's a part of the journey.

To Travel in Time

Hello, my name is Anna. And, I'm a time traveler.

Photo Credit: ScriptShadow

I must have been especially nice this year because for Christmas, Santa was especially kind. On Christmas morning, under the tree, I discovered, much to my delight, a brand new pair of snowshoes! Then, for New Years, I finally received the eagerly anticipated snowfall. Finally, I could bundle up and shuffle out into the quiet woods, creating a trail of flattened powder as I trod gleefully amongst the frozen tree trunks and their naked branches.

As I stomped through the fluff, my mind began to wander, drifting back and rewinding through the past 12 months. I don't know about you, but it never ceases to amaze me how much can happen in the course of a year. Beginning with my move back to Wisconsin in November of 2013, I pressed “Play” to watch a slideshow of memories.

I had just completed my 200 hour training in the movement art of yoga and had returned home to Eau Claire, WI jazzed up to start up my own yoga business and teach, teach, teach! On December 30^th, 2013, Crave Yoga and Wellness LLC was officially born. Two days later, I moved into my own one bedroom, second floor apartment, the walls freshly painted with bright colors of my choosing – a light, sea foam green to compliment the golden, hardwood floor studio room; a joyful, mustard yellow for the kitchen; and a pinkish salmon for my bedroom – on which I had hung artwork, photographs, and various décor. It was cozy and quiet – a sanctuary for reflection and my brand new home for a brand new year.

In February, I put my vivid visions of owning my own yoga studio on hold, yet continued to teach yoga every Monday evening and was thrilled to bring heated yoga to the Chippewa Valley! And, with the intended outcome of establishing some certainty and stability, I willingly (even enthusiastically!) entered into the corporate world of finance at my local credit union, ignoring the high pitched alarms that went off in my head when my soon-to-be supervisor informed me that I would be required to work on weekends and would receive only seven days of paid vacation a year. *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!* At 27 years young, this was my very first career choice that significantly lowered the flexibility that I had grown quite accustom to and comfortable with. This, I remember thinking, is the reality of most American 9-5 jobs, Anna. This was the price I must pay to establish the regularity and structure I was so desperately seeking.  My fire for wandering the world had been sufficiently snuffed, and I felt ready to settle down, plant my roots, and establish myself, once and for all, back in Wisconsin. Thus, I freely traded my time freedom for a stable (albeit minimal) paycheck, health insurance, an HSA, and began saving for retirement. (Let me just say that I think now I understand the reality of a “quarter life crisis.”)

The same week I started my new job, I began attending meetings with Overeaters Anonymous where I met my current sponsor - an extraordinary friend and confidant who I now check in with nearly every day.

I was attempting (still) to play doctor to a confused mind and a badly bruised heart that had suffered a beating from a highly emotional break-up the previous summer. With healing on my mind, I devoted conscious and focused effort to following a seven week, intensive course specifically designed to soothe my heart wounds and, ultimately, guide me towards calling in my soulmate^[1]. Each day, I completed exercises that asked me to look deep within myself for ways in which I was sabotaging my chances at love – which ultimately started from having a deeply rooted fear of rejection and failure and not truly believing I was worthy of a great, romantic and passionate love. Frankly, I was continuing to entertain the idea that my “vision” for love couldn't possibly exist and was simply not plausible. I banished those thoughts right quick, thanks to the consistent support and accountability of three dear friends who followed the program right along with me.

After completing the course, I continued to discover, much more clearly, the kind of relationship I was truly looking for – and the kind I was most decidedly not. I successfully dated, but unsuccessfully fell for, a local acupuncturist (Note – my mild phobia of needles did NOT help boost his appeal, nor did the countless jokes about how he couldn't wait to “poke” me) and a massage therapist/DJ from Iowa who dreamed big, yet seemed a little lost when it came to his sense of direction in life. While dating Mr. Iowa, I did something that I never thought I would do. Courageously and with the intention of an emotional, relationship-al detox, I did a massive Facebook “friends cleanse” which included, most importantly, the un-friending of every one of my previous exes, fun flings, and several feel-good flirtations who I purposefully kept tucked in my back pocket for whenever I craved compliments or, honestly, felt lonely and/or insecure. I cut, discarded, and sent up in flames these unhealthy, molding, and blackened relational umbilical cords. The freeness I experienced after the initial angst was almost instantaneous. And, the love of self I've experienced and nurtured since that day has been monumentally life changing. I finally recognized that I am enough. I realized, in every cell of my body, that I am worthy of a phenomenal, extraordinary love. And, from that day forward, I began attracting a higher caliper of man into my life – because I was showing up as a more confident, complete, and charismatic woman. I dappled (briefly) in online dating. I flitted through profiles with a hyper-awareness of the type of man I was searching for. A man I could deeply connect with on every level – intellectually, physically, emotionally, sexually, practically, and spiritually. After meeting for a first, second, and third date with one especially exceptional man, I thought I might have found him. But, when it was discovered that we were headed down separate paths spiritually, we mutually agreed go our separate ways. I thank each of these three gentle-men for their companionship, kindness, and for helping me prepare myself, in mind, body, and soul, for the man I will fall in love with and commit the rest of my living days to loving and sharing our life together.

While my romantic life ebbed and clearly didn't always flow, I deepened, widened, and expanded greatly my relationship with God throughout this year, choosing quite spontaneously one summer Sunday morning to reaffirm my love of Him through a ceremonial, full submersion baptism in the Chippewa River. The relationships with my closest girlfriends, from my local gals to my fabulous ladies abroad, have brought considerable joy, laughter and meaningful conversation to my life. And, I am eternally grateful to these exceptional women. To all of my special ladies: you have been a true gift sent from above. And, I love you from the bottom of my heart.

This year, being active in a variety of ways became a top priority. To compliment my personal yoga practice and my weekly yoga instruction, I was actively training for a race of some sort throughout most of the year. I sweated, grinned, and pounded my way one stride at a time in training for my first half marathon. It was a pure rush to race across the finish line to the claps and whoops of friends and family who had come out to cheer. Additionally, I completed three Row, Ride, Run Triathlons – falling in love with the variety and challenging nature of a sport involving three of my favorite things – a kayak, a bike, and a dirt trail.

Eau Claire Half Marathon, May 4th, 2014

Kickapoo River Valley Triathlon - Dam Challenge - APL

Unsurprising to many, midway through the year, I finally wised up and quit my soul-smushing job at the credit union call center. After nearly seven months, I had learned, in great detail, about credit score reports and had, by that time, taken hundreds of loan applications over the phone. I had also eaten more than my fair share of office treats from the neighboring empty cubicle. Despite the job being a less than a perfect fit for me, I have many fond memories of my fellow team members, one of whom gives the world's best high fives. I do miss those...

Once free of the confines of the “brick and mortar” life, I took a couple months to reignite my inner artist, who had been sleeping as soundly as Sleeping Beauty on Nyquil. I wrote. I blogged. I began creating again. I breathed deeper and meditated longer. I fell a little bit more in love with yoga, prayer, and the power of healing touch (ie. Reiki). And, I started brewing Kombucha - a Japanese, fermented tea drink - which has resulted in given me the closet thing I have to a pet these days – a live, symbiotic colony of bacteria I have lovingly named “Scooby the Scoby.”

As summer turned to autumn, I enrolled in a four week Myers-Briggs workshop, with the intention of expanding my knowledge on personality types, effectively discovering (with a surprising amount of simultaneous relief and excitement) that I am, in fact, slightly more introverted than extraverted – in the most beautiful of ways. Following the completion of the workshop, I was wholly intrigued by the entire process, resulting in a gentle prodding of my entire family and many of my friends to take the personal inventory^[2] and igniting a wonderful array of conversations regarding personality differences, communication, and how to merge differing personality types into successful and mutually beneficial relationships and friendships. Digging deeper, I read the fascinating book “Quiet – The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking^[3]” which has provided me even greater understanding of my natural tendencies, why I do the things that I do, think the things I think, and act the way I act. I also felt very much enlightened when I read “The Five Love Languages^[4]” {Author's Note – Should you wish to know...my top two love languages include exchanging lots of compliments and affirmative words and giving and receiving thoughtful presents! Just an FYI...*wink wink*}. Just read the book – if you put the words into action, I guarantee your relationships, both intimate and otherwise, will improve exponentially.

Throughout 2014, I traveled to California, Ohio, and Florida. I washed dishes on Thanksgiving at the Community Table. I made some new friends and let a few go. I opened my heart - I loved, I hurt, and I grew stronger because of it. Through it all, I found myself again.

My mind looped full circle back to the present as I felt the chill air nip at my cheeks and heard the soft crunch of the hibernating foliage beneath the fresh layers of snow.

"Warm Smile" - APL

I considered something. If asked to describe the last year in three words, I would choose solitude, security, and stability. As we enter more fully into a brand new year, I have a new trio of words to accompany a glistening new vision – abundance, adventure, and flow. And, to compliment and detail this new vision, I've creating a number of specific goals that I have already begun to work toward accomplishing in 2015. The following are a handful of those goals I wish to share with you:

• Play a lead role in Little Women at the Mabel Tainter Theater in Menomonie, Wisconsin this spring
• Give a public talk to inspire people to live authentically and in accordance with their deepest desires
• Become a generously paid and fully supported travel writer and photographer
• Fall in love; Stay in love <3
• Travel to Fiji, Bali, and Southeast Asia
• Meet a handsome Spanish language tutor and learn conversational Spanish
• Move to San Francisco, California

The new year is a fresh start, a clean slate. A time for new beginnings and for dreaming BIG. I encourage you to reflect over the last 12 months of your own life. What lessons did you learn? What did you love? How have you changed? How do you want to show up and live your life moving forward? Additionally, I urge you to set 5-7 one year goals for yourself that you'd like to accomplish within the year. Make them as specific as possible and write them down. Be intentional with the choices you make from this day forward. The more your decisions align with your life's mission and purpose, the more clearly you will see see your life taking shape in the way you've always dreamed. Breathe. Enjoy the journey. And, in the words of Ms. Frizzle and her Magic School Bus, “Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!”

With joy, love, and gratitude,

Anna

P.S. Also this year, I became an actual Disney Princess – my ultimate childhood dream come true. To the creators and magical players behind the movie “Frozen” - Thank you :-)

Photo Credit: Disney's Frozen

Interesting Links and Recommended Readings:

[1] “Calling In the One” by Katherine Woodward Thomas

[2] What's your personality type? Take the test! www.16personalities.com

[3] “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking” by Susan Cain

[4]“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman - What's your primary love language? Take the test! www.fivelovelanguage.com