Naked Love

Hello, my name is Anna. And, I am a compulsive overeater.

I love showering. To feel the continuous stream of water against my bare skin, watching the steam rise, like a sleepy fog, the air thickening, hot and damp. My already pink flesh reddens in patches, as I nearly always keep the temperature of the water two degrees less than scalding. I notice how the curves of my body create mini waterfalls – I only need to slightly shift to see a new one form.

*Photo Credit: Getty Images

And shampoo! God, I love that stuff. The lather, rinse, repeat is a recipe for head massage bliss. My hair is long and thick with golden streaks left over from the summer sun. My fingers kneed my scalp like a proud baker tenderly massaging soft dough. The lather thickens and my head feels like how I imagine a cloud would feel – spongy, malleable, and heavy. I grab the bar of soap, rubbing rapidly with my hands until a foam appears.

Actually, I hate showering.

In the past, it was common for me to do this part completely unaware of my body. I cleaned myself throughly, but without appreciation, without gratitude. Sometimes even with malice and utter disappointment for the shape, size, and contour of my figure. In moments like this, I lost my sense of femininity. I felt far from sexy and desirable. My mind led me to dark, spidery corners where voiced jeered and sneered. To combat the malicious voices, I did this part numbly, focused solely on just getting clean, rinsing off and getting out.

I heard those voices yesterday. This time, I allowed myself to listen. Not push them away or resist as I used to, but listen attentively, thoroughly fascinated. What a curious thing, to be attending to and physically doing something caring for my body, but to recognize my mind filling with a whole host of ugly judgements.

Then, I reflected.

Today, I turned my shower time into my personal Seven Minutes in Heaven. This me-time became my time to shower my female form with deep appreciation and love. The water was my reminder to submerge my whole naked self in praise and gratitude. This time, I studied my body. With pleasure and admiration, I really saw the soft, blond hairs on my arms, the wrinkles on my knuckles, the stretchmarks on my breasts, the birthmark on my belly, the dimples on my thighs, and the calluses on my heels. What a beautiful and glorious body I have! And, I smiled from the inside out.

It's a few steps further along the path of self-discovery and recovery. Self-love is forever on-going. It doesn't matter how many times you hear it from others, it's important to discover and realize it for YOU.

So, go on - find love in the shower.

“Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; s/he who keeps understanding will discover good...” Proverbs 19:8